Confidence, Style, Personality &...PREGNANCY!
With Baby Boy #2 (Jaxon) head down and getting ready to make his appearance within the next coming weeks, so many things race through my mind.
One of those thoughts is "OMG I AM REALLY ABOUT TO BE A MOTHER OF TWO BOYS!"
The greatest thought that sits with me daily is the way that I have embraced my beauty and who I am in such a different way than ever before.
With my first pregnancy, life was not too ideal and it really took a toll on my confidence, which in turn diminished my style and even my personality. It is already hard enough with your body growing in ways you are not used to, but to top it off I didn't feel beautiful or good enough. I lost 20 pounds which left me looking sick and took away my style and personality everyone was so used to. I felt unworthy and unsure of how I was going to take on this major role as someone's mother as the person I was. I never thought of myself as a terrible person but after some left turns I surely didn't feel like the right person to take on life at the moment and still smile.
I wish I could say that I snapped out of it quick...but I didn't. I went through a refining period for just about my son Karter's entire first year. God broke me down to a very naked place. He stripped me of the negative things I've attached to myself and even the things that made me feel comfortable and good about myself. The same way at the end of the day when we all strip down and shower ourselves clean, is the same way I had to shower myself clean of the things I allowed to become apart of me that shouldn't have.
My confidence no longer depended on my accomplishments, how good my life was going or how under control I had everything (or made it seem). The circumstances in my life no longer had the power to diminish who I was. I became someone whose life had a bigger purpose than myself. My hair, nice slim body and the upkeep of my style wasn't what defined my beauty any more. My degree and many accomplishments were not the highlights that made me feel worthy to walk with my head held high.
My purpose I messingly fell into, now gave me the confidence, style and personality that no person, circumstance or failure could break. My Purpose now defined who I am.
Fast forward to today as my family is molding together, fighting life together, smiling despite of and about to welcome another prince into this world...I see why life had to happen in some ways that it did.
As I walked up and down one of my favorite strips in Chestnut Hill while my photographer captured my growing belly, my smiles and laughs were for something bigger than making the photo look good. I wasn't just standing in front of a backdrop posing for the camera. I was dressed in outfits that made me feel beautiful created by some amazing women in my life that empowered me during the uncertain naked period of my life. I rocked a short hair cut that years ago I WOULD HAVE NEVER wore out of fear I wouldn't look too pretty. More importantly, I rocked something that wasn't so visible as an outfit or hairstyle. I rocked ME. I rocked the confidence, strength, courage and beauty that was not dependent on the outer appearance. The way of my life may not be going as traditional as the world thinks it should but I live in a new kind of confidence...a confidence that God will use every single hiccup, left turn and untraditional move to grow his kingdom and impact in ways I cannot image.
So as I push through these last few weeks of pregnancy #2 and make some big yet exciting life changes, I push through feeling beautiful, worthy to love and be loved, more than good enough nurture and fill the lives of our two boys and moreover, do what God put me here to do!
In the photos below, my photographer, (mamaphotog.com) captured life. She captured me feeling amazing in life that may not have the stamp of approval of the some in the world but is amazing none the less !
K H A L I A D E B O R A H